Starbucks ^_^

Hey, so i am currently at Starbucks right now drinking a skinny caramel machiato. heehee i feel so posh here with my laptop and everytthing. :) but yea the reason im here is cuz i needed to get away from my house cuz another fight started between me and my dad cuz i went to church. uhhhgh i hate when we fight and i didnt even do anything wrong. its the worst. but anyways....I have to do my math homework but i just dont know how to do it. like how am i supposed to do something i have no clue how to do. i tried teaching myself but uhhh obviously its not working. but  yea, lets talk about church. :)

So this morning i went to church for the first time and it was kinda wonderful, i had lots of fun and learned a lot actually. Uhh i feel like i need to turn to god now. Cuz recently i had a dream of judgement day, the day the world ends. and it was horrible. In my dream, Im looking out the window and i see a huge body of water just coming at me, waves crashing and just attacking me, and i just stand there by the window waiting for the water to come and get me. At the end, i survive, and the water slowly levels down to normal. But after that dream, It came to me that the end of the world is really coming and...and... i dont know, i feel like i should do something about it or atleast try. Hmm. This has been on my mind for the longest time now. I feel like i should start praying and just think of god more often. :/


Chyea, I am just really stressed and overwhelmed. I need a break from the world, but of course thats not happening so i have to suck it up and take advantage of all oppertunies i have in life. Yes yes yes. Starting my doing my damn homework, this shit is so confusing. esspecailly cuz its online. Who does math online? u cant learn math online, it has to be paper and pencil. Ughh and i have a dumb professor. sheesh I really need help.

Uhh, yeaaaim so tired. mentally tired.

ohh yea, i got my Uggs a few days ago, they are so cute and comfy. I love them! so worth $185

Yea, those are the ones i have. loveeeeeeee them!

other then that. everythings theh same. but my weight! i lost like 2 or 3 lbs. so im like around 155lbs. i think thats good. so starting feburaury at 155 is good and ill be 145 by the end. Hopefully! well, alrighty thats all for now, until i get bored here at starbucks again. 

THINSPO

Heehee

Food for thought

Wonderful Wonderland

So, Good morning to everyone!

I just came back from coaching the little soccer kids and omg it was soo much fun! I get there at 10:00 am till 12:00pm and time went by so fast i didnt even notice. Anyways, when i was done with the kids, thier parents were talking and they LOVED me! yay!! One of them even asked if i was caoching next season so they can enroll their kid with me, and another said i was really good with kids! Yay! im Happy!  And im getting paid $12 per hour!  So im happy about that, but im slacking on my schoolwrok, which is my FIRST priority... I think im going to not work as much at the resturant and make more time for school. Cuz thats the only solution i can think of right now. 

I also work at 4 or 5 today at the resturant XP blahhh, its not as fun there as it used  to be. but ill manage. Andddd i have this herpe cold sore thing on my lip which looks discusting! i just hope it goes away soon cuz it makes me feel gross. :( 

Uhh in other news, i ihave lost a couple of pounds so Yay! yup yup! so the only problem i have is school and thats it. my life is okay right now, just school..... I have to focus more.

oh yeah, anddddd ITS SNOWING here. we had a "thundersnow" lol, it was hailing and snowing all night, so i had to shovel my car which burned some calories :) yay for pretty snow! 

Okie Dokie! I guess thats all for now. Im hungry, my stomach is growling so i guess ill eat something?? :/ ehhh maybe. 

and to everyone who is reading this!...

stay lovely, ok?

xoxo Pariis

hungryyyyyy

Ahhhh!!! im hungry and ive already eaten too much!!! what should i do?!?!?1

NOM NOM NOM

idk why im still hungry, why oh whyyy

Back on track :)

Hey, so ive noticed that I dont really write on here too often. Well, thats going to change. Finally, my life has slowed down and im back on track. Dont get me wrong, theres still crap going on, but ive calmed down.

All my driving papers are done, Im doing good with work, and school is school, still have tons of homework to do but ill get to that. I realized today I still have my weight goal to accomplish. My regular plan was to hit the 140's by the end of january but thats obviously not happening. So, ive extended the date to the end of February, but this time I want to be 145 lbs. My current weight is somewhere around 159ish? yea it sucks, i can feel the weight ive gained. :/

So, Ive decided to do a "fruit fast" this whole week. Im just going to eat fruit and water starting today until the last day of January which is the 31st. Six days, i think ill see some progress... If the fast goes well, then I guess ill extend the date? And ill be doing the elliptical in these 6 days. Hopefully, i lose some weight before starting February. Once February starts, ill start P90x again and seriously do it every single day! I PROMISE! (also, something i do to remind me about losing weight is i write down the weight i want to be on my hand where i can see it, and people always ask what the number is for and i lie and say its how much money i owe someone, but really they remind me how much i want to weigh :D) Alright, I now need something to look forward to so i can stay motivated. i should go out and buy a pair of summer shorts or something!

XoXo Pariis

Achievments
- No smoking or drinking so far! yay!
- Did good on my history quiz!

(i actually know this girl in real life, she used to be fat, and now shes this skinny! so jello)

Deep shit :/

Well, hello beautifuls!

Ok, so Just to let you guys know, i got in lots of trouble the past couple days. I came home at 3 am high and drunk and my dad caught me... -_- Yeah, so thats what ive been dealing with for the past couple days now. He took my phone away and my car. But i got my phone this morning and my car later today...Hes still pissed and yelling, telling me he doesnt want me to go to work anymore and i cant take my car and blah blah blah.... Damnit i learned my lesson dude, now chill the hell down.

Yeah, so im going to quit drinking and smoking for good. I promise.

This is me promising that if i ever drink or smoke ever again this whole year, then i have to quit all my jobs. -__- Tonight i worked and made $70 off tips. I thought id made more, but apperntly not... I guess im having a bad week? Ehh and i have lots and lots of school work to catch up on and i work all day tomorrow, morning and night...

ok, so some things i have to do, HAVE to do

1. Take driving class and get it over with.
2. Print transcript for mom for insurence
3. Catch up on homework and school.**

those are the main things i have to do.  weight and all this is at the bottom of the list right about now. just too many things going on i cant juggle it all at once. I feel like im gonna crash soon. Hmm Sorry if im boring u guys with my problems in life, but this is like my online diary where i can just say anything and everything with out anyone knowing. :)  I do wanna go to the gym though...I feel like thatll make everything less stressful.  for some reason, whenever im angry or things arnt going right, i need to workout and get rid of all the stress.


Note to self- i think my dislexic-ness is getting worse and i might have a stuttering problem. should get it checked out. omg. im such a freak....

damn, its already midnight? sheesh, i just got home and its already midnight?? Alright, now for some homework then bed then work at 10. Night loves!

Life in black&white would be lovely right about now

10 random facts about boring old me

1. Little things like braclets and fish make me happy.

2. I am from the middle east.

3. Ive never had an official 100% boyfriend, prolly cuz i have trust issues

4. When i was younger, I had a phase where i was obsessed, i mean obsessed with cows. I used to draw cows with different outfits and give them names, and i had cow pajamas and stuffed animal cows. It was ridiculous.

5.I wear my class ring from high school just to show my mom that all the money she spent on it was worth it.

6. I love my baby sister, shes almost 4 years old. shes the little sister ive always wanted :) she makes me happy!

(awwww isnt she cayute!)

7. I see myself in the future, as a pediatrician, happy and healthy, and married. With no children.

8. I want a tattoo of a feather on the side of my rib cage soon. Whenever i can actually see my rib cage. lol

9. I was a "floater" in highs school. I didnt really belong to any group, but i ended high school with the "bitches" of the school. So i came off as a bitch to everyone...but im really not a bitch. :/

10. I use head and shoulder shampoo and herbal essence conditioner. LOL thats as random as i can get! 

5 People 

1.Smallasapanda

2.an♥nym♥us

3.Heather 

4.Courtney 

5. Bella 

Quick update

Hello lovelies

So.







Nothing interesting has happen at all. lol. I weigh _________ lbs right now. I havent weighed myself yet. I went to the gym with my mom, and 3 sisters today, it was amazing! We burned alotta calories using the elliptical, stair master thing, swimming, and soo many other things. We went to lifetime gym on a guest pass, and i think we are getting a family pass cuz that gym is soooo aamazing! they have everything! like i could live there and i wouldnt have any problems. Well after the gym, i went out to eat with a friend, we had pizza buffet. :/ yea that sucked. but i had 3ish SMALL slices and half a brownie. So i wasnt really mad at myself. Uhhhh i still party and drink too much and smoke. So i need to stop cuz i told myself that once classes start, ill stop partying. Uhh what else, work is okay. Im a server now so im getting more money so that means im getting my Uggs and hopefully my nails done once i hit the 140's.

Oh yeah, so I always read ur blogs, and thay always say oh my parents are worried about me, and they make me eat. well guess what my dad said to me tonight. I was eating beans and he said, "slow down on the food, ur getting fat again"... well something like that. I HATE him. like he even gives a fuck about me. Hmm

Uhh, just wanna say thanks to GraceyJ for the 10 random facts. but ill have to do those later cuz its 1:10 am right now and i have to wake up at 9 tomorrow to work at the soccer place Gahhh! im getting overloaded with stuff! but i like all the resposiblilty so i dont eat. Uhhhh i think thats all for tonight but ill prolly post some more tomorrow in class. lol.



thats me recently...well it was tonight. but yea....ewww


and i weigh a whooping............157.6? say whaaaaaaaaaat? lol i thought it be more then that?? hahah YAY okayyy so 7.6 lbs to go then i get my nails did!!! WOOOT! wishme luck loves!

160. damn it

yup im back up to the 160s... its horrible. like when i found out i was back up there, all my happiness went away and now im sad. i cant believe i gained 5 whole pounds. 5 pounds! i was so close to the 140s...and i ruined it. but it seems like everyone is gaining at this time. lets get back on track ladies!!!

WE CAN DO THIS!

so, something really depressing happen to me last night. i was at my friends house and we were all chilling and drinking and just hanging out. then one of my friends said lets get on chat roulette. (thats a site where you video chat with random ppl around the world.) so we agreed. so it was me, my friend katie(shes not skinny but kinda fat...)and we were the only ones on the camra, the other friends were behind us so you couldnt see them in the camra. so we were just on chat roulette and nexting ppl, then there were these 2 blonde girls, they were skinny i guess. and right when we got to them, they screames "ewww fatty! fatty!!!"... i literly was about to cry... and thats when they killed my buzz and i went home.

i thought i was doing okay, but once i heard those girls. i just felt so fat and a failure and just horrible. so, no matter what, i have to reach 145 lbs by the end of this month. like eww i dont want to be called fat ever again. and i dont think ill ever forget that, even over the computer ppl call me fat, what do ppl in real life think of me?like geez....it was a horrible feeling. it just makes me want to cry.

hmm.

other then that, classes started and i like it. I have a good chemisty professor, and precalc seems like itll be hasrd, but ill get through it. im shooting fro straight A's this semester. and i dont even know if im enrolled in cell bio so i have to do all that. okay well, i have to study and crap. :/ ughh

hmm k. bye, cheer me up? :(

fuck my life!

i just want to run away!

 run away from all this bullshit

run until my lungs burst

go to a unknown place 

and run

i have so much anger and pain built up from nothing

all i want to do is run

run and hide from all this drama

i want to run until my legs break off

until i have no energy to breathe

until my last breathe is taken 

i want to run in the darkness and let go

and scream

and curse the world

and curse some more

fuck my life

im just going to go to bed and turn my phone off and close my eyes and sleep.im not gonna fuckin wash the fuckin dishes or drive fuckin pointless miles. i dont give a fuck anymore. i dont deserve this. im not gonna put up with all your bullshit and get nothing in return. fuck you! akjjjjjjjjjdfssfhssdkjfhadskjgh aghhhhhhh i cant wait to run tomorrow. im gonna wake up early and run until i get lost and breathless. god i wish i could go run right now and take out all this anger. wtf is wrong with me. i hate everyone! goodbye!

...because summer is right around the corner