Love is counterfeit

Lol, so M. (the guy i used to mess with)  i guess he just start going out with some asian girl...Hm. he messaged me on facebook today. I dont know how i feel about this situation... I feel...I feel like i dont care but i do. I mean why should i care if he has a girlfriend, its not like we had anything going on. What bugs me is the fact that hes messaging me. Like  WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!? ugh.

I could care less if he has a girl. Even though its been awhile since we've talked, still....idk. I guess im just greedy and want him all to myself. But im having bad feelings with this. Like we didnt talk for weeks and when he gets a girl, then he decides to talk to me. Does that sound odd to anyone else?

I think..I still wanna talk to him... and see where that leads to. Ugh. I seriously dont know what to do, my mind is  telling me to play him like he did to me, but my heart (didnt no i had one) is telling me to just aviod him and just forget about him and everything.

I guess im searching for the thrill of it (Wiz Khalifa- the thrill, best song ever)  I need a vacation from life.

Im gonna be a bitch and break them up-just for the thrill of it.

xoxo
Pariis

ps. I want a boyfriend, but im not gonna settle for less (which means ill stay single, fuuuuuuuck)

Wiz <3

Time is ticking, Eyes on the prize

Hey gorgeous gals!

How are you all? Ive been extremely busy, with school, and work, and life. I wish i had a few hours to spare everyday to blog, but i barely have time to eat or even take a shower. (lol)  So you DO NOT wanna know what im doing right now since i actually am blogging. Haha, anyways, Ive been doing okay i guess. Im really not focusing on losing weight right now just because im in college and who knew college was stressful and time baring? I thought college was all about partying and drinking and making out with boys u cant remember. LOL. Just kidding. I have so many exams every week, its not even funny. Like right when i think im done with all my exams, a paper is due or a big project. BLAHHHH (can u say stressed?)

Yea, so thats whats been going on with me. Sorry i havent been checking in with u guys, I do read ur blogs, just dont have time to comment. So dont feel like u dont matter, cuz im still here reading every word you type! ^-^ heehee. In other news, Ive been thinking about this new(old) workout dvd i heard about. Its called the 30-day-shred by Jillian Micheals. If followed correctly, you can lose up to 20 lbs in 30 days! I think thats amazing! Ive been doing my research on it and it sounds promising. But some reviews say that they didnt lose any pounds, but inches. Thats good too, but im really trying to lose this fat and get low on the scale. So idk, im really thinking about getting it, but i already have p90x, and insanity. Ohh but the good thing about this workout dvd is that its only around 30 mins! which is do-able. Soooo yea, check it out and tell me if i should buy it!

Also, my weight has been changing. Its back to 155lbs but thats only when i weigh with no clothes on. I usually weigh WITH clothes so i weigh more...but im just waiting for when i hit 155 with clothes on then ill cross it off on my goal thingy. How do u guys weigh yourself?  Let me know!

ugh. My room is a mess, my brain is a mess, my life is a mess. Cant wiat till all the hard work pays off! :) we can do this ladys! its almost april, that much closer to summer. Im dreading it, but if i have the body i want by then, ahhh itd be PERFECT.

Questions
1. Should I buy the 30-day-shred?
2. How do u weigh yourself?

Assignments of the Day:
1.50 wacky jacks(works your obliques to get that tiny waist)

2.Clean your room! Do your laundry! (it burns calories! ^_^ )
xoxo
Pariis

  EYES ON THE PRIZE

You have to PUSH yourself
Don't let things stop you!
Don't let them get in the way!
You deserve this!
You are amazing!
You are beautiful!
You are WORTH IT!
and you CAN do this!
:)

Versatile blogger/ quick update

The Rules:

1. Thank the person who loved you enough to bestow this gift

2. Share seven things about yourself.

3. Bestow this honor onto 5 newly discovered or followed bloggers– in no particular order– who are fantastic in some way.

4. Drop by and let your ten new friends know you admire them.

ver·sa·tile

  [vur-suh-tl or, especially Brit., -tahyl] 

–adjective

1.

capable of or adapted for turning easily from one to anotherof various tasks, fields of endeavor, etc.: a versatile writer.

2.

having or capable of many uses: a versatile tool.

3.

variable or changeable, as in feeling, purpose, or policy:versatile moods.

1. Thanks so so so much for this wonderful surprise, Anafly and Anonymus! It truly means a lot knowing you guys think of my blog as something important :)

2. Seven random facts?

    (I feel like ive done this before in another blog, but ill do it again)

    1. I have a Blackberry phone which i just LOVE!

    2. Ive always wanted short hair, but im too scared to chop off my long hair

   3. One of my bestfriends is Monica, she is the "it girl" here, theres ALWAYS boys drooling ever her, and gets what she wants, and is super pretty, sometimes i wonder what she thinks of m e as a person...

   4. I have zebra print sheets and blanket. (as you can see, idk what to say...lol)

   5.Im more of a cute punk rock girl, love black but also pink...kinda like pink skulls? lol

  6. I hate being fat

   7. I am a kids soccer coach. (7 facts is too long haha)

3. Five blogger that are FANTASTIC! 

    1.

WhiteSkinnyAngel 

   2.

Emuhlee 

   3.

GraceyJ 

   4.

Heather

   5.

Aria 

You all are wonderful, and im sorry i couldnt name you all lovelies! But just know, that i appreciate each and every one of you!  You are beautiful, dont ever forget that. :)




Allllright, well, let me tell you guys about the past few days! So every morning, I have the right mindset telling myself what ill do that day, but then as the day comes to an end, i just have to fuck it up. :( Id have a salad all day, then at night, id go and eat something bad. UGH its horrible! But ive got to say that ive been trying hard, and ive been working out! I ran outside yesterday for the first time(theres alot of ppl i know who live in my neighborhood) and i wore those running spandex and i felt ok for the first time. it was an odd feeling. i ran about 2 miles i think, all the way to the railroad by my house. It really was fun. Then today, i tried to go to the gym with my sister, but my sister, being the crazy psycho she is, got us KICKED out of the gym. LOL shes somthing different, so instead we went running at a park by our house for like 20-30 mins. it was freeezing cold and our fingers were numb. I ate well today, did sooo good, BUT(theres always a but) then my OTHER sister came home telling us she got accepted into arizona dental school!! dont get me wrong, I was super excited for her, but the whole fam went out for icecream and i obvilously didnt do so good with that. I had mint choco chip. Ugh way to ruin a perfect day huh? Yea anyways, I have lots to do still. no time for amazing thinspo like usuall, but just one. Love you ladies to death! I hope you all are doing better then me lol. 


xoxo
pariis

157 lbs

Yes, i weigh 157lbs. I know, its horrible... but thats what i have to work with. I cant believe i was at 152 and I blew up back to 157lbs. Ughh that just gives me hope that i can get down again. So, before i say anything else, i have to say sorry for all those depressing blogs lately. I am truely sorry. I was just so depressed and hated life. Lol, but im back now, for good. Today i was really sick, i woke up at 2 pm and "attempted" to work out but quit after 15 mins, then i felt like throwing up and my stomach hurt, so I went to sleep at 6 till 9pm and ive been awake since. Yea idk why i slept all day but i felt really sick. So i ended up eating a mini turkey burger and an orange all day. I guess that was good?

Uhh my first goal coming back is the same as last time. I want to break the 140s by the end of this month. thats 11 days and 8 pounds. I can prolly do it, 4 lbs a week. Maybe. Im starting my workouts again. Tomorrow im going to wake up early and do p90x core synergistics and then at 3pm im going to the gym with my friend, hopefully if i finish my homework. :)

also, i was doing some research about weightloss and stuff, and i found my ideal weight is somewhere around 110-120 lbs. DAMN. lol i thought my ideal weight was 130 or something, but apperently im really short (5.2) well damn, i guess im that much more overweight then i thought. Fuck it, i WILL be toned and in shpe by summer. Its getting warm here on the east coast so i see all these girls wearing shorts and tanks. :/ boo. i want to wear that too.

WELL, we have to do this one day at a time, right. Tomorrow will be wonderful. If not, then make it wonderful. Your life is what u create it to be. <3 love you ladies. Please give me some motivation to stick to this!

Assignment of the day:
1. 20 oblique crunches each side

2. Find/Buy a pair or goal shorts and hang it up somewhere in ur room or by ur doorknob so when u go downstairs, u wont want to binge.

STOP MAKING EXCUSES

STOP SAYING YOU CANT

BEGIN SAYING YOU CAN

STOP SAYING I WANT THAT

START SAYING I WILL HAVE THAT

LOOK AT YOUSELF IN THE MIRROR

ARE YOU HAPPY? OR DO U WANT MORE?

Are you ready to not feel like you have to hide because of your weight?

WELL GO MAKE IT HAPPEN.

I just want to be skinny

but wanting is never enough.
bones are so beautiful.
i need to remind  myself of how fat i am
there should be a caution saying-danger-do not eat-
i always say -ughh i just want to be skinny
                   -i want to look like her
                  - i want to see my bones
                  -i want a boyfriend
...but what the FUCK am i doing to actually get there?
nothing.
i eat and eat and eat, then at the END of the day, i regret it all and tell myself ill do better the next day, yeah right, ive been going through this cycle for 2 weeks now. everyday i say ill do better the next day. and i have nothing to blame this on, except myself. i hate myself. i seriously need to get my head right. what should i do? how should i remeind myself throughout the day that summer and body bearing season is close, and im nowhere near ready for that. i guess its tshirts and pants again, no cute bathing suits or shorts for me. because im a FATASS.
fat whale
fat
huge
thick
blubber
fatass
thats what i am.
fuck my life.
idk what to do anymore...

ok so, plan 1- everytime i want to eat, ill go workout instead...and i want to strat running in the mornings again.
fuckin wish me luck

ps-im a fatass whale

Fat fat fat

Gross. I feel so fat.

and wide. and fat.
Ughh i hate spring break.

All i do is eat eat eat
cuz i have nothing else to do.

FML. fat fat fat
I need classes to start and so im occupied so i dont eat the whole fridge.

wtf. I hate this, i dont want all my progress to go away in one week.
ive worked too hard for this to let it go so fast. Fuck it

I WILL BE SKINNY. i will.
Im sucha fatass. discusting.

Hmm. WATCH THIS....sorry about this crappy post, we will get through it :)

Do you feel like i feel

Hey.

So...


Everything has calmed down in the house between me and my dad. We are not talking or even making eye contact, which i kinda like. But the downside is i still dont have a phone, car and cant go out. Boo. So Ive been online this whole time and I ordered myself a blackberry and its supposed to come in on Thursday but I HATE WAITING! Like, thats something i suck at, no matter what it is, i dont wanna wait, i have NO patience. Uhh i also ordered accessories for the phone...I am so ready to have my social life mailed to me. Lol. Okay, so now that im stuck at home, i have nothing to do...well i have a lot to do, but i just dont wanna do it. I ended up eating A LOT today cuz i was home all day. Blah.

I weigh the same, obviously. Did i mention I hate the 150's? yea, well i hate it. Why cant things just happen fast, or have a fast forward button. So i could hurry up and lose this weight and get my phone and my life back :( Alright, lets get back to reality. So, I PROMISE tomorrow will be day one of p90x, i figured I cant do Insanity cuz technically you have to already be in "decent" shape to start it. So I gotta get in decent shape.

Tomorrow, i work at 10 am. Ughh I really dont like working, i just wanna bumm around for spring break. ya know. But thats not happening....Hmm i can actually start P90x right now cuz its only 8:00 pm. so i MIGHT do it, and its a monday....im prolly def gonna start today. I have lots to do....

Ohh yea, and i wanna start something new i just thought of. Every post, im gonna have an "assignment" for my followers, just small ones. But if you read my post, you HAVE to do my assignment cuz if u have enough time to read my post, then ull def have time to do the assignments :) i think this will help us all out. So...

Assignment of the day:
1. 20 lungs in your room RIGHT NOW!
2. Paint your nails an unusual color <3

Thanks gorgeous girls
xoxo
Pariis

Oh no, this aint paradise...

          Okay, So this post will be a little different then my other normal posts. I have to tell you all about my past day(s).  Alright. So, Last night was my first day of spring break! Hell yea, so me and my friend wanted to do it big, but we both have crazy phycho parents who kinda beat us. My friends dad beats her up and crap and so she got kicked out basically. She lives out of her car and sleeps at a friends house. Dont get me wrong, I love this girl, shes like my best friend but thats just not a way to live, ya know? But in her case, she has all the freedom possible, no curfew, no crazy fighting, nothing. But me on the other hand, well thats a whole other story. My parents are so strict, i cant be out after about 10 on a good night, and im 18, keep that in mind. So the way i get out and have fun is I HAVE to lie about going to  working and actually go out till like 11 or 12 pm. And usually get away with it. But last night, well damn. Last night i decided that i didnt want to be under a curfew for the rest of my life so ill come home around 3 or 4 am. I went to a rave thats about 100 miles away....

           Yea... It was so fuckin awesome! I had the best time ever. But the whole time my dad was calling my phone and killing my buzz, so i turned off my phone and just didnt think of it. Cuz i knew i was in trouble, so why not at least make it  worth it right? Yea....so I picked up one of his calls and told him im at work, and that im closing. He asks when im coming home and i say 20-30 mins when the place itself is 1 hour away. So basically at the end, i come home at 5:30am. And thank god hes sleeping. I just go in my room and chill and sleep. 

          Well, this morning, while i was sleeping, I hear a big bang that almosts gives me a heartattack in my sleep. I wake up and my dad is banging at my door, I open the door, get beatin the shit out of, he takes my phone and rips it in half. Like wtf. lol i was pissed yo. But yea, now hes just being a dick and telling me i cant go to work anymore and i cant take my car and blah blah blah. Now, My question to you is, what should i do? I kinda wanna wait it out and see how everything goes, if its not bad, then w.e. ill stay, but if its bad, i want to go to my aunts place in Michigan and crash there, but thats a little dramatic if i do that....idk. any suggestions? 

I would put up a pic of my crushed phone, but this thing isnt working...Grrr

Thanks, xoxo