fuck my life!

i just want to run away!

 run away from all this bullshit

run until my lungs burst

go to a unknown place 

and run

i have so much anger and pain built up from nothing

all i want to do is run

run and hide from all this drama

i want to run until my legs break off

until i have no energy to breathe

until my last breathe is taken 

i want to run in the darkness and let go

and scream

and curse the world

and curse some more

fuck my life

im just going to go to bed and turn my phone off and close my eyes and sleep.im not gonna fuckin wash the fuckin dishes or drive fuckin pointless miles. i dont give a fuck anymore. i dont deserve this. im not gonna put up with all your bullshit and get nothing in return. fuck you! akjjjjjjjjjdfssfhssdkjfhadskjgh aghhhhhhh i cant wait to run tomorrow. im gonna wake up early and run until i get lost and breathless. god i wish i could go run right now and take out all this anger. wtf is wrong with me. i hate everyone! goodbye!

...because summer is right around the corner

Skinny bitch

So my friend came over my house today, and she got on my scale and she fuckin weighed 112 lbs. damn, when i saw that, i was so jealous of her.  and we made cookies and she ate them, i had maybe one bite. she ate like 2 cookies. then she ate some noodles right aftter. like wtf? how is she that skinny while eating that much?? then we start watching tv and she ate a shitload of popcorn. WTF?!? 112 lbs!

I envy her.

Well, thats my new goal weight. 112 lbs. or lower. Damn, I look like a damn hippo next to her.


And my gramda came over my house today too, and you know what she said? she said "oh well youve really lost some weight" I HATE when ppl notice my weight. Fuck. i need to hit the 140s soon.

I WANT A BEACHBODY!

YUM

Maggots

So yesterday, i just got home and i was starving. As usual, there is no cooked food in the fridge or anything cuz my mom never fuckin cooks. So i go to the garage and find a box of Mac and cheese. I decide thats what ill eat today. So i get my pot ready with hot water and start the stove. Then I pour the macaroni in the stove to boil. I go get the cheese, and as im about to pour it into the pot, i see MAGGOTS in the macaroni!   Live moving maggots! what the fuck! I was so discusted i threw up. I was in shock. Then the whole day i didnt eat cuz of those fuckin maggots. Ughhh, just thinking about it makes me want to puke! Blahh. So that was discusting. and i think it was a sign not to eat or something. But the positive side is that i didnt eat all day. So i guess it wasnt that bad.

Anyways, I weighed myself this morning* and i weigh 155lbs.  Thats pretty good for me. But I weighed with no clothes on and in the morning so that takes off pounds. So I weighed with clothes on and im at 157 lbs. Whatever, ill just say im 155 lbs. My goal is 149 lbs. Man, im so close. I never thought id even get this close, but i cant blow it, i have to stay focused. Cuz i came all this way, and im not turning back. No ma'am!

Well, its morning right now, and my stomach is growling like an animal cuz i havent eaten anything for a long time. And im debating about eating cereal first then working out, or working out then eating cereal. And its not really morning, its 12:26 p.m. lol, but i just woke up, so its morning for me. Hmm. I think ill just work out then eat. But i really dont want to work out, blah. I havent ran or exercised in a long time, so i gotta get my groove back. But if i exercise, ill prolly hit 149 lbs faster. I know i should exercise, but i dont feel like doing it. Grrr.

Oh yeah, another thing, I kissed/made out with Mars sunday night. I was kinda drunk and high at the time so i dont remember what happen that well. All I know is he really liked my kiss cuz he keeps wanting more kisses. lol But i really need to stop messing with him. Its bad for my health. Hhaha. I need to find someone else. Soon.

And, by the way, My dad has even noticed that I lost weight. WTF? lol How is everyone noticing that i lost weight but ME? I personally dont see any changes except the number on the scale. Hmm when i hit 149 lbs ill take some pics of me and put some before and after pics up. Then we can see if i really lost any weight. I reallly want a beach body! All tan and toned, cant wait!

love all my followers!

xoxo Pariis

Stay Lovely, Stay Skinny


http://ka-c-ey.xanga.com/728019982/summer-bikini-thinspo-3/

Party girl shiett

Heyyy waddup!

lol, so ive been partying alot! and when i say alot, i mean like everyday. But its so damn fun. Just drinking and smoking. Well, new Years was a blast for me. I went to 2 parties, got drunk, almost made out with this really hot white guy, but my dad start calling so i had to go home. but it was realllllllllllly fun. And when i got home, i didnt even get in too much trouble. So yea, im straight chillenn. :)

Anyways. When classes start, I cant go to any more parties or drink or have any fun. cuz i have to focus on school. So this whole week of partying is just a way for me to be prepared for 3 months of boring school. :/

But omg! its 2011! One more year till 2012 and the world ends! lol. just kiddinggg. But yes, its a new year, so theres going to be a new me.

New Year Resolutions


1. Get my beach body before/by SUMMER
I know ill regret slacking off on my weightloss when its summer and i see all the skinny girls in bikinis and i have to wear a shirt or a one-piece. So thats my number one motivation. I want to be able to enjoy the pool and sun and my body. I want to wear little skimpy skirts and float around, not wear big sweatshirts to hide my fat. so I WILL BE SKINNY. My goal is to lose a minimum of 10 lbs a month till june. so thats 6 months so 60 lbs.damn... That would be perfect if it happens. id be 100 lbs. :D

How am i going to do this?
Well, good eating habits- which means no yucky food, just healthy foods. and ive been pretty good on that. but i have to work on portion sizes, i always eat too much of one thing. and Exercising! Yes, ill be doing my elliptical and im not sure bout p90x, but i want to do some of it. I think ill just do 5 days of it instead of all 7 a week. and skip yoga! ughh i hate yoga. lol

2. Focus on school
I really need to boost my grades up this semester cuz i did really bad last semester so i gotta make up for that. and im taking hard classes so i need to focus focus FOCUS!

3. Take risks and chances
Ive never really done anything reckless, and ive always been a chicken, and at the end id always regret not taking a chance, so this year im going to change that. Im going to try to be more confident and believe in myself, im going to take chances even if im not comfortable with it. its prolly better for me that way to experience life and be alive.

4. Be Happy!
Im not going to regret anything this year, im going to do what makes me happy and live for me, not my family or a boy. so im on that pursuit of happiness :)

Yupp thats about it. Goal number 1 for weightloss is to get to the 140s by the end of january. I think its possible, but ive never been in the 140s so its going to be exciting for me! yay. yess thats my main goal for right now. alrightyyy Night bloggers sweet dreams

xoxo Pariis.

p.s.
So a lot of ppl in my family have told me that i look like ive lost a lot of weight! yay! and my jeans are getting big on me :D and my shirts too... Im happy about thisss! i am currently wearing size medium shirts and size 10 or 11 jeans. Lets hope that goes down to size 0 soon!

I want to feel alive.