I have cracked. And no one can help me.

Hello lovely lovely people. Im probebly talking to myself, but thats good. I guess.

Ive been doing bad lately. and i cant go anywhere or tell anyone so i came here. Hope you dont mind.

Ive start purging unintentionally.
I mean im doing it on purpose, but i dont know how  it started. I am back up to 150 lbs unfortunatly, so ive been exercising and trying to eat right but its not working. Im just so lazy now i dont want to work out, and i eat EVERYTHING and anything. Ive lost control.
control.

I have no control. Its terrible. I just dont know what to do anymore. I might be slipping into depression or some kind of mental health issue. And i dont like it. Not one bit. My sister walked in on me while i was purging. I told her i was sick.




I dont know what to do anymore. I think im going to cry myself to sleep tonight, and i havent cried in a long long time. Im just not the crying type. Honestly, what is wrong with me?

Wrong?

I am sorry for coming here with all my problems. but i just didnt now where else to go. okay now... im going to bed now. tomorrow im going to eat 800 calories.

sweet dreams, loves!

Im better off dead, like seriously. I have no point in being alive, im just a waste of space.

Hmmm. My thoughts...

I just feel like i suck at everything. Just life. I suck at school, sports, everything. i just want to run away. Like i have no special talent.

Everytime someone asks me what im doing with my life, i say i wanna become a doctor. but I KNOW thats not gonna happen. I have a 1.7 GPA right now, and im about to fail a class so itll prolly be a zero or something, like fuck, i need to stop lying to all these people and myself that im gonna be a doctor, fuck that. thats not happening. And all this is just at a community college. imagine whatd happen if i were at a university or something...and im suppose to transfer to a university this summer. WTF?!?!?! im not gonna get in, i know that for sure....FUCK MAN. what the fuck am i supposed to do?!?! like seriously?


I honestly dont know what to do. im fucked. FUCK.

147 lbs

Hey been awhile since ive been on here. Damn.

Well, I weigh 147 lbs unfortunatly, i gained 3 lbs in a week. So far my lowest weight has been 144 lbs. Ive been trying to get out of the 40 for a while but its not happening meaning im not trying hard enough. Fuck. Just fuck. So much has happened since the last time ive been on here. Boys, school, weight, family, everything.

But this is my weightloss blog so i guess ill just update yall with my weight. Um. Im still fat. Yeah... I want to be 125 lbs before the end of the year. Thats about 76 days and around 20 lbs.

I guess ill just watch what i eat again, maybe try the paleo diet, and start to run in the morning, 30 day shred and p90x. Ill make up a scheduale soon enough. ugh.

okay bye....

Oh and heres my before and during so far...

Im still alive, I promise :)

Hey yall, Just a quick update to let you know im alive. Haha, so i read a couple of your blogs but no time to comment, sorry :( But im glad most of you are doing good! and losing weight! Im so proud of you guys ^-^

Anyways, I, myself am doing okay too. Had some ups and downs but im just human. I am still somewhere around 148 lbs so ive been maintaining none the less.

My oldest sis left for AZ friday with my mom and little sister, and i miss em so much :( boo. But my dad gave me $150 to go grocery shopping for the rest of us since my mom isnt here to cook or anything, and i got lots of healthy foods. yummayyy!

Yea so Ive been dealing with school and life and stuff, still pretty busy. Trying to become a doctor isnt easy :(

haha Okay so ill catch up with  you guys later! Hope everyones doing well!

xoxo
Pariis
http://i-want-abs.tumblr.com/

Luck My File

Fuck my Life
 sorry but its time for a rant
problems in my life at this moment
- Disfunctional family
-dumbass ppl who dont know how to raise their own kid
-classes
-test
-grades
-weight
-being a fatass
-sick
-mood-grougy
-sick of everything
/end rant

K bye